This is a monster I have been battling for just about half my life. Addiction is a disease, and it destroys life. It has the ability to take away the greatest gifts of life, and it can take a person who’s never touched drugs and turn them into someone they had no idea exsisted.
My journey in addiction and recovery has been a long one. It’s only been the last couple of years, that I actually have been able to see the truth of life and situations, and been able to fully concede to my Innermost self that I am an addict and I CANNOT use any substance no matter what!
I believe that I have again reached a turning point in my life and in recovery! My spirit is shifting and the benefits and gifts are beginning to out weigh the disease.
I must share. Today I had an experience. Something that is different from MOST of my life. I reached a breaking point, a point where my head, who is my WORST enemy attacked me!
Walking through Walmart pushing my grocery cart, it just stopped moving! The wheels locked up as if I was trying to take off with the cart?!? No big deal right? Just leave your stuff and go get another cart.
For me, it was the breaking point, for some odd reason! A gentlemen that worked there went and got me a different cart, and I took what I had, left what was still on the list, paid and went home!
Once I was home, it all hit me, ALL these feelings and emotions that build up, being pregnant, feeling like death for 3 months straight, soaring hormones, almost losing my mom, dealing with some painful things in recovery, and then of course, the stupid cart, pushed me over the edge, and I lost it.
For the first time in a really long time, taking some pain pills or smoking some dope,(meth) sounded like a GREAT idea. Regardless of the fact that I’m pregnant 🤰🏼 my addiction told me that was the best solution out there!
I was scared by this thought. It also gave me a chance to practice some of the spiritual principles I’ve learned in recovery. Reach out, share about it, pray, meditate, and DONT USE NO MATTER WHAT!
I shared about it, and I cried for a solid hour. So cleansing!
The last 3 months have been a challenge, and a gift at the same time. God blessed me with a miracle of motherhood, and has blessed me with a clarity of mind.
The grocery cart is a good analogy of life, sometimes we run into things that bring us to a HALT! Things, thoughts, feelings that stop us in our tracks! What we do in those times, shows where we are a humans and what we need to work on!
I have taken that experience, and looked at it closely, it was all the little bumps that led me to a screaming halt and so overwhelmed! Today I’m learning to push through and find a way to continue on the path…..even if I feel like I can’t any longer!
