Our life together has been a long, winding road—full of back and forths, push and pulls, love and hate. I’ve said my goodbyes to you more times than I can count, and yet you always managed to find your way back into my life. Tirelessly. Relentlessly. Your grip was powerful, your control suffocating.

From the very beginning, we never truly got along. You promised me relief, but instead left me sick, alone, afraid, and worthless. That became my reality, my constant companion.

You convinced me to invite others to your party, to believe that with more people, things would be fun. But those “friends” were never mine—they were yours. Just like me, they were bound by your chains. And once again, I was left alone and afraid, trapped in the cold, dark world you created. Thanks again, Addiction.

You knew I was vulnerable, a target, and you fed me lie after lie—that I was worthless, undeserving, and that all I really needed in this life was you. And I believed you. Every word. I was trapped.

Countless times I tried to leave. Countless times I reached for freedom, because deep down I knew I was worth more. But every time, you pulled me back into that toxic, destructive relationship. You left me lifeless—hurt, broken, half-dead in a gutter with nothing left. You stripped me of family, friendships, self-respect, morals, values. And still, I believed I needed you to survive.

I hated you for convincing me I couldn’t live without you. Yet at the same time, I feared that I would die without you. That is your game. That is your sickness.

Even when I found recovery, you weren’t done with me. You showed up in different forms—casinos, unhealthy relationships, physical health, mental health. You were everywhere. Even in my dreams.

You knew when to strike—when I was weak, when I was tired, when I was surrounded by people but still felt alone. Your power was always ready to consume me. That’s why I’ve had to become vigilant. Every day, I must protect myself against you if I want to survive.

Because the truth is simple: you want me dead. You always have.

But I no longer play your game. I no longer fight you on my own. Because I’ve learned something you never wanted me to believe—you are stronger than me, but not stronger than my God.

So, goodbye, my old friend. You were never really my friend at all. You were a monster. And today, I surrender—not to you, but to the One who is stronger than you will ever be.