As long as I’ve been in recovery, I have always had triggers. Today things don’t trigger me like they used to, but occasionally I can end up on a train ride through the past.

I left a spoon from my coffee on the counter in the bathroom, not thinking anything of it. Tonight when I got home after a crazy, long day, I walked into the bathroom to start my nightly routine and noticed the spoon 🥄 on the counter.

When I picked the spoon up there was a watery brown substance that I KNOW FOR A FACT WAS COFFEE, but my brain switched into disease mode and I instantly started flashing on the past.

My story of active addiction and recovery takes place MOSTLY in THIS house, in THAT bathroom. So walking in on an innocent spoon left on the counter sent me spinning.

I am just about at 7 months, clean and sober again. It’s been almost 18 months since I last used heroin, and even though it’s been that long, I still found myself flash-back as if it was just yesterday….that I used last.

The many days and nights that I would spend locked in my bathroom trying to find a vein so I could get well, instantly made me nauseous. Somethings I can remember as clear as day and others I have no recollection of.

I was not triggered to want to use, but I sure did emotionally find myself stuck on the train ride and remembering some of the things I have put my family through, and how grateful I am that my child will never have to see me loaded, as long as I choose to stay on this path!