Due October 6. 2018. What will it be? A boy, or a girl? The constant thought and question once I got past my initial shock.

No matter how bad I wanted to be a mom, I was not ready, and it could have been a terrible disaster bringing a baby into this world during that time in my life. Today I’m grateful for Gods timing.

Am I ready? I ask myself frequently! The drastic changes that have had to take place in my life since I found out that I’m expecting are simply miracles, or at least I’d have to say. Up until this point I don’t believe I would have been capable of taking such responsibility and caution to care for this little peanut 🥜 growing inside me.

As an addict, I know the struggles I have faced in trying to get clean and stay clean. After years of fighting this battle, I understand how this is a cunning baffling and powerful disease, and I am powerless to it! I could not stop using drugs, regardless of the consequences, and it was a painful process for myself and everyone in my life. Finding out I was pregnant, I knew it was no longer just about me, and I had to make a choice to be selfless for the sake of this little being.

After almost a year of struggle, I was finally stable on mental health meds, and I knew that they were not safe and would be harmful to my baby, So we began the detox process, the day I found out I was pregnant! I wanted to make sure that I got through the pregnancy with the baby in mind, and that at the forefront.

I guess we could say that I’m an extremist. It’s black and white, all or nothing! So immediately I changed my caffeine intake and quit smoking as well. To be in a position where it’s no longer just about me, but a little baby I’m growing inside me, gives me the motivation to take better care of myself!

Today I’m 7 weeks and 5 days. Finally, completely off all of my medications, and am exhausted everyday! I can sleep all night and still take a nap and go to bed early. The baby sucks every ounce of energy out of me.

As for how I’m feeling, well…..Nauseous, and always craving pickles, and green olives! Constantly drinking milk. Maybe I have a salt defincincy, cause the amount of pickles and green olives I eat is still never enough to curb my cravings!

I have seen my baby 👶 twice now. Heart beat is good, and so far we’re doing well! This whole thing is a lot!

I see the dr again in a week and a half and will be able to hear the heart beat, and get some pictures of my precious little peanut!

So far I’ve gained a total of 5 lbs, but that seems to fluctuate depending on time of day! My clothes are getting tighter and my skin is much more clear then I have ever seen it before. My hair feels much thicker then normal, and it seems to be growing.

I have started to have really weird dreams at night but I hear thats normal! The days seem to be going by really slow! But I’m sure this little peanut 🥜 will be here before I know it, and ill be wishing during those sleepless nights that I could put them back inside.