I suffer from this thing called Obsession and Compulsion.

How do I find a solution to the problem? How do I get it to stop? What do I do to change the behavior?  It can be such a detrimental pattern of behavior, and it has caused me so much unnecessary hurt and pain.

It started at a young age. I can remember having the craziest fears. I was so afraid of fire. Every night I would look out the window and up at the moon and pray to God that Lake Tahoe wouldn’t erupt because I was convinced it was a volcano. That was a crazy thought and idea I had gotten from watching danteas peak with my dad and uncle one night when I was like 7 or 8.  I ran with this fear for many years. I was also so paranoid that the house was going to catch on fire, so I would walk around the house, before bed, making sure that everything was unplugged, and turned off. Stove burners, curling irons, anything that was plugged in, was not any longer, until the next day. This is the first time I can identify any form of obsession or even paranoia.

As I got older, I began to realize that any time I was under high stress, I would become “spunout” by situations that were high tense emotionally or mentally, and that I felt I had no control over. It became a pattern of mine. It would be things like: Work Stress or situations, Family, Feeling Judged by people, or going through a custody battle. There have been times that I would just sit and ‘spin’ over and over, about what I could have done different, and I have learned that it is one of my most damaging, unhealthy behaviors. Bottom line is: I feel out of control, and I dont like it.

What I’ve learned walking through this custody battle is that I dont like feeling out of control. I have a hard time trusting the process, and trusting that what is happening, and what is being said, and knowing that everything is actually the way it is. Part of the problem is, my son is involved, and he is sacred to me. So, I am easily tipped off when it comes to him. My parents often try and give me advice on the situation, and I even struggle when it comes from them at times.  Its the most difficult situation for me to see clearly, and sanely.

Is this something that is normal? Do other people struggle with over barring thoughts that make them crazy too? Or am I just alone in this?